


Continuous Catastrophies

by TheWrath_Of_TheLion



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 23:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17796788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWrath_Of_TheLion/pseuds/TheWrath_Of_TheLion
Summary: “Would you be so kind as to join me for dinner tonight?”Who was Will to refuse such a generous offer? “I’d be obliged.” He said to Hannibal.





	Continuous Catastrophies

It was just like any other day in Baltimore, Maryland. Will Graham had just started his weekly therapy session with his psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter. They were discussing the possibility of lizard people existing when Hannibal doubled over, and clutched his stomach in pain. It was time. 

Will ran over to him and expressed his concern. “Are you alright?” 

Hannibal was not alright. He knew this would happen. Years ago his mother told him so. He prodded at his stomach and sure enough he could feel it inside. His mother had told him if he ate the seeds of a watermelon one would surely grow in his belly. And sure enough, here it was. 

“It is nothing my dear Will. Just some food not agreeing with me.” 

Hannibal was too embarrassed to tell Will the real reason. He shouldn’t have rebelled against his mother and eaten the seeds. Now, it was too late. He had to live with the fact that he was going to give birth to a watermelon. 

“Oh, that’s a relief.” Will sighed, “For a second there I thought you were with child.” 

Hannibal stilled at this. Will was not entirely wrong, but he had missed the mark. Didn’t he know it was impossible for a man to be pregnant? He could not let Will find out the truth at all costs, so he decided to dismiss him. 

“My stomach pain is worse than I had thought. Perhaps we can put this conversation on hold and resume next week.” 

Will, thankfully, did not question this, and left. 

Hannibal had to decide what to do. He was an anxious mess. It would be days until the fruit inside his belly would break free. He had to come up with a way to safely get the parasite in his tummy out. He knew he could not go to a doctor for this. Luckily he, himself, was a doctor and had a medical license. 

On the day the bountiful fruit was ready for harvest, he made an incision on his stomach. With shaky hands, he reached inside and hefted the monstrosity out. An adequate amount of painkillers muted the stinging sensation he was sure to feel. 

With sharp eyes he observed the seeded plant before him. It’s true that it was glorious, after all it was his spawn, but he knew he had to eliminate it. He could not live with something this humiliating. 

He put the watermelon away for later, and stitched himself up. 

It was again time for Will’s therapy session. The man across from him lounged on the armchair with his head leaning on his hand. He was just explaining to Hannibal the many perks of being a dog owner when Hannibal asked him the question that would later change his life. 

“Would you be so kind as to join me for dinner tonight?” 

Who was Will to refuse such a generous offer? “I’d be obliged.” He said to Hannibal. 

Later that night Will was preparing to go to Hannibal’s house. He dressed to the nines (Bitch you thought. Did you think for one second that this man had a single article of clothing that was not completely hideous?) and left his house. 

He arrived at Hannibal’s place, and was gladly welcomed inside. Hannibal took his coat, and led him to the dining room. He took a seat as Hannibal retreated to the kitchen to retrieve their meal. When Hannibal came back he presented the meal, “Grilled grouper with watermelon salsa.”

Yes, you read that right. Watermelon! Hannibal was going to cannibalize his only child, and he would make Will do so as well. 

“It looks great!” Will said, starstruck. 

Will began to dig in, and savored the flavors of the meal. 

When the meal was complete, they moved into the sitting room. 

“Would you like some whiskey/scotch (or whatever adults drink)?” 

Will accepted the alcoholic beverage, and he and Hannibal began to discuss what would happen if the writer of this fan fiction was actually a decent writer. They concluded many bad things would happen. 

Suddenly, Will said to Hannibal, “I have something to confess.” 

Hannibal waited in anticipation for Will to tell him his confession. 

“Last year, I had eaten two pumpkin seeds and now they are growing inside my stomach.” 

Hannibal was in shock. He did not think that Will could relate to his situation. 

“In that case, I have something to confess as well.” 

He explained that the watermelon they had eaten earlier had been the very same that had been growing in stomach, and it was the reason why he had felt pain in the last session they had. 

At this news, Will was disgusted with him. “How could you do such a thing to your watermelon child?” (But he really didn’t care it had tasted good this is just for plot progression).

Will promptly stood up and stormed out of Hannibal’s house. He could not believe this. Will knew that you had to cherish any child you brought into the world even if you were as delusional as Hannibal. 

A few days later the pumpkins were ready to come out. He got them out at the hospital, and yes, it was awkward having to explain it. 

As he left the hospital, he carried the pumpkins down the street with a smile.  
(And this is the origin of the photo of Hugh carrying the pumpkins). 

When he got home, he found Hannibal Lecter sitting in the dark. He looked very menacing. 

Hannibal lunged at him with a knife and stabbed the pumpkins. They were no more. He would not play Will’s foolish games anymore. People would now call him Hannibal “sick of your shit” Lecter. 

Will was shaking and crying on the floor, as his pumpkin children had just got murdered before his eyes.

Hannibal proclaimed, “If I cannot have you, no one can!”, and drove the knife home. 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment on how much you hated/liked it.


End file.
